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Oh To Be a Kid Again!
vs.
The Benefits of Being Old

Oh to be a kid again.

Decisions were made by saying "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" 
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. 
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly." 
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening. 
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. 
Being old referred to anyone over 20. 
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and
rules didn't matter. 
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. 
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb. 
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event. 
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot. 
Nobody was prettier than Mom. 
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. 
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides
at the amusement park. 
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true. 
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare." 
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures. 
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home. 
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense. 
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles. 
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team. 
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. 
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. 
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin. 
Ice cream was considered a basic food group. 
Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.

Benefits of Being Old.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.