"Can you see Him from here?" I asked. "I see His glory far away,
but I cannot see Him."
"I can see many times better than you can," he answered. "And yes,
I can see Him, and all that He is doing, even from here. I can
also hear Him. I can also behold the earth. He gave us all that
power. We are the great cloud of witnesses who are beholding you."
He departed back into the ranks and I began walking again, trying
to understand all that he had said to me. As I looked over the
great host that he had said were the foolish virgins, the ones who
had spiritually slept away their life on earth, I knew that if any
one of them appeared on earth now that they would be worshiped as
gods, and yet they were the very least of those who were here!
I then began to think of all of the time that I had wasted in my
life. It was such an overwhelming thought that I stopped. Then
parts of my life began to pass before me. I began to experience a
terrible grief over this one sin. I too had been one of the
greatest of fools! I may have kept more oil in my lamp than
others, but now I knew how foolish I had been to measure what was
required of me by how others were doing. I, too, was one of the
foolish virgins!
Just when I thought I would collapse under the weight of this
terrible discovery, a man who I had known and esteemed as one of
the great men of God I had known, came forward to steady me.
Somehow his touch revived me. He then greeted me warmly. He was a
man that I had wanted to be discipled by. I had met him, but we
did not get along well. Like a number of others I had tried to get
close enough to learn from, I was an irritation to him and he
finally asked me to leave. For years I had felt guilty about this,
feeling that I had missed a great opportunity because of some flaw
in my character. Even though I had put it out of my mind, I still
carried the weight of this failure. When I saw him it all
surfaced, and a sick feeling came over me. Now he was so regal
that I felt even more repulsive and embarrassed by my poor state.
I wanted to hide but there was not way I could avoid him here. To
my surprise, his warmth toward me was so genuine that he quickly
put me at ease. There did not seem to be any barriers between us.
In fact, the love I felt coming from him almost completely took
away my self-consciousness.
"I have waited eagerly for this meeting," he said.
"You were waiting for me?" I asked. "Why?"
"You are just one of many that I am waiting for. I did not
understand until my judgment that you were one that I was called
to help, to even disciple, but I rejected you."
"Sir," I protested. "It would have been a great honor to be
discipled by you, and I am very thankful for the time that I did
have with you, but I was so arrogant I deserved your rejection. I
know that my rebellion and pride has kept me from ever having a
real spiritual father. This was not your fault, but mine."
"It is true that you were prideful, but that is not why I was
offended with you. I was offended because of my insecurity, which
made me want to control everyone around me. I was offended that
you would not accept everything that I said without questioning
it. I then started to look for anything that was wrong with you to
justify my rejection. I began to feel that if I could not control
you that you would one day embarrass me and my ministry. I
esteemed my ministry more than I did the people for whom it was
given to me, so I drove many like you away," he said.
With a genuineness that is unknown in the realms of earth, he
continued, "All children are rebellious, and think that the world
revolves around them. That is why they need parents to raise them.
Almost every child will at times bring reproach on his family, but
he is still a part of the family. I turned away many of God's own
children that he had entrusted to me for getting them safely to
maturity. I failed with most of them. Most of them suffered
terrible wounds and failures that I could have helped them to
avoid. Many of them are now prisoners of the enemy. I built a
large organization, and had considerable influence in the church,
but the greatest gifts that the Lord trusted to me were the ones
who were sent to me for discipline, many of whom I rejected. Had I
not been so self-centered and concerned with my own reputation I
would be a king here. I was called to one of the highest thrones.
All that you have and will accomplish would have been in my
heavenly account as well. Instead, much of what I gave my
attention to was of very little true eternal significance. What
looks good on earth looks very different here. What will make you
a king on earth will often be a stumbling block to keep you from
being a king here. What will make you a king here is lowly and
unesteemed on earth. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course," I said, quite embarrassed. "But I, too, am in need of
your forgiveness. I still think that it was my awkwardness and
rebellion that made if difficult for you."
"It is true that you were not perfect, and I discerned some of
your problems rightly, but that is never cause for rejection," he
replied. "The Lord did not reject the world when I saw its
failures. He did not reject me when He saw my sin. He laid down
His life for us. It is always the greater who must lay down his
life for the lessor. I was more mature. I had more authority than
you, but I became like one of the goats in the parable; I rejected
the Lord by rejecting you and the others that He sent to me."
As he talked, his words were striking me deeply. I, too, was
guilty of everything that he was relenting of. Many young men and
women who I had brushed off as not being important enough for my
time were now passing through my mind. How desperately I wanted to
return now and gather them together! This grief that I began to
feel was even worse than I had felt about wasting time. I had
wasted people! Now many of these were prisoners of the enemy,
wounded and captured during the battle on the mountain. This whole
battle was for people, and yet people were often regarded as the
least important. We will fight for truths more than for the people
for whom they are given. We will fight for ministries while
running roughshod over the people in them. "And many people think
of me as a spiritual leader! I am truly the least of the saints,"
I thought to myself.
"I understand how you feel," remarked another man I recognized as
one I considered one of the greatest Christian leaders of all
time. "Paul the apostle said near the end of his life that he was
the least of the saints. Then just before his death he even called
himself 'the greatest of sinners.' Had he not learned that in his
life on earth he, too, would have been in jeopardy of being one of
the least of the saints in heaven. Because he learned it on earth
he is now one of those closest to the Lord, and will be one of the
highest in rank for all of eternity."
Seeing this man in the company of "The foolish virgins" was the
greatest surprise I had yet. "I cannot believe that you, too, are
one of the foolish who slept away their lives on earth. Why are
you here?"
"I am here because I made one of the most grave mistakes you can
make as one entrusted with the glorious gospel of our Savior. Just
as the apostle Paul progressed from not considering himself
inferior to the greatest apostles, to being the greatest of
sinners, I took the opposite course. I started out knowing that I
had been one the greatest of sinners who had found grace, but
ended up thinking that I was one of the greatest apostles. It was
because of my great pride, not insecurity like our friend here,
that I began to attack everyone who did not see everything just
the way I did. Those who followed me I stripped of their own
callings, and even their personalities, pressuring them to all
become just like me. No one around me could be themselves. No one
dared to question me because I would crush them into powder; I
thought that by making others smaller I made myself larger. I
thought that I was supposed to be the Holy Spirit to everyone.
From the outside my ministry looked like a smooth running machine
where everyone was in unity and there was perfect order, but it
was the order of a concentration camp. I took the Lord's own
children and made them automatons in my own image instead of His.
In the end I was not even serving the Lord, but the idol I had
built to myself. By the end of my life I was actually an enemy of
the true gospel, at least in practice, even if my teachings and
writings seemed impeccably biblical."
"If that is true, that you became an enemy of the gospel, how is
it that you are still here?" I questioned.
"By the grace of God, I did trust in the cross for my own
salvation, even though I actually kept other men from it, leading
them to myself rather than to Him. The Lord remains faithful to us
even when we are unfaithful. It was also by His grace that the
Lord took me from the earth sooner than He would have just so
those who were under me could find Him and come to know Him."
I could not have been more stunned to think that this was true of
this particular man. History had given us a very different picture
of him. Reading what was going on in my heart, he continued:
"God does have a different set of history books than those on the
earth. You have had a glimpse of this, but you do not yet know how
different they are. Earthly histories will pass away, but the
books that are kept here will last forever. If you can rejoice in
what heaven is recording about your life, you are blessed indeed.
Men see through a glass darkly, so their histories will always be
clouded, and sometimes completely wrong. Very few, even very few
Christians, have the true gift of discernment. Without this gift
it is impossible to accurately discern truth in those of the
present or the past. Even with this gift it is difficult. Until
you have been here, and been stripped, you will judge others
through distorted prejudices, either positive or negative. That is
why we were warned not to judge before the time. Until we have
been here we just cannot really know what is in the heart of
others, whether they are performing good or evil deeds. There have
been good motives in even the worst of men, and evil motives in
even the best of them. Only here can men be judged by both their
deeds and their motives."
"When I return to earth, will I be able to discern history
accurately because I have been here?"
"You are here because you prayed for the Lord to judge you
severely, to correct you ruthlessly, so that you could serve Him
more perfectly. This was one of the most wise requests you ever
made. The wise judge themselves lest they be judged. The even
wiser ask for the judgments of the Lord, because they realize that
they cannot even judge themselves very well. Having come here you
will leave with far more wisdom and discernment, but on earth you
will always see through a glass darkly to at least some degree.
Your experience here will help you to know men better, but only
when you are fully here can you know them fully. When you leave
here you will be more impressed by how little you know men rather
than by how well you know them. This is just as true in relation
to the histories of men. I have been allowed to talk with you
because I have in a sense discipled you through my writings, and
to know the truth about me will help you greatly," the great
Reformer concluded.
Then a woman stepped forward who I did not know. Her beauty and
grace was breathtaking, but it was not sensual, or seductive in
any way. She was the definition of dignity and nobility.
"I was his wife on earth," she began. "Much of what you know of
him actually came from me, therefore what I am about to say is not
just about him, but about us. You can reform the church without
reforming your own soul. You can dictate the course of history,
and yet not do the Father's will, or glorify His Son. If you
commit yourself to making human history, you may do it, but it is
a fleeting accomplishment that will evaporate like a wisp of
smoke."
"But your husband's work, or your work, greatly impacted every
generation after him for good. It is hard to imagine how dark the
world would have been without him," I protested.
"True. But you can gain the whole world and still lose your own
soul. Only if you keep your own soul pure can you impact the world
for the truly lasting eternal purpose of God. My husband lost his
soul to me, and he only gained it at the end of his life because I
was taken from the earth so that he could. Much of what he did he
did more for me than for the Lord. I pressured him, and even gave
him much of the knowledge that he taught. I used him as an
extension of my own ego, because as a woman at the time I could
not be recognized as a spiritual leader myself. I took over his
life so that I could live my life through Him. Soon I had him
doing everything just to prove himself to me."
"You must have loved her very much." I said looking at him.
"No. I did not love her at all. Neither did she love me. In fact,
after just a few years of marriage we did not even like each
other. But we both needed each other, so we found a way to work
together. The more successful we became in this way, the more
unhappy we became, and the more deception we used to fool those
who followed us. We were empty wretches by the end of our lives.
The more influence that you gain by your own self-promotion, the
more striving you must do to keep your influence, and the more
dark and cruel your life will become. Kings feared us, but we
feared everyone from the kings to the peasants. We could trust no
one because we were living in such deception ourselves we did not
even trust each other. We preached love and trust, because we
wanted everyone to love and trust us, but we feared and secretly
despised everyone ourselves. If you preach the greatest truths but
do not live them, you are only the greatest hypocrite."
Their words began to pound me like a hammer. I could see that
already my life was heading in the same direction. How much was I
doing to promote myself rather than Christ. I began to see how
much I did just to prove myself to others, especially those who
disliked me, or who I felt in competition with in some way. I
began to see how much of my own life was built on the facades of a
projected image that belied who I really was. But here I could not
hide. This great cloud of witnesses all knew who I was beyond the
veil of my projected motives.
I looked again at this couple. They were now so guileless and so
truly noble that it was impossible to question their motives. They
were gladly exposing their most devious sins for my sake, and were
genuinely glad to be able to do it.
"I may have had a wrong concept of you by your history and your
writings, but I have even more esteem for you now. I pray that I
can carry from this place the integrity and freedom that you have
now. I am tired of trying to live up to projected images of
myself. How I long for that freedom." I lamented, wanting
desperately to remember every detail of this encounter. Then the
famous Reformer offered a final exhortation:
"Do not try to teach others to do what you are doing yourself.
Reformation is not just a doctrine. True reformation only comes
from union with the Savior. When you are yoked with Christ,
carrying the burdens that He gives you, He will be with you and
carry them for you. You can only do His work when you are doing it
with Him, not just for Him. Only the Spirit can beget that which
is Spirit. If you are yoked with Him you will do nothing for the
sake of politics or history. Anything that you do because of
political pressures, or opportunities, will only lead you to the
end of your true ministry. The things that are done for the sake
of trying to make history will at best doom your accomplishments
to history, and you will fail to impact eternity. If you do not
live what you preach to others you disqualify yourself from the
high calling of God, just as we did. I will tell you what will
keep you on the path of life-love the Savior and seek His glory
alone. Everything that you do to exalt yourself will one day bring
you the most terrible humiliation. Everything that you do out of
true love for the Savior, to glorify His name, will extend the
limits of His eternal kingdom, and ultimately result in a much
higher place for yourself. Live for what is recorded here. Care
nothing for what is recorded on earth."
As they walked away I was again being overwhelmed by my own sin.
The times that I had used people for my own purposes, or even used
the glorious name of Jesus, to further my own ambitions, or to
make myself look better, began to cascade down upon me. Here,
where I could behold the power and glory of the One I had so used,
it became more repulsive than I thought I could stand. I fell on
my face in the worst despair I had ever known. After what seemed
like an eternity of seeing these people and events pass before me,
I felt the woman lifting me to my feet again. I was overcome by
her purity, especially as I now felt so evil and corrupt. I had
the strongest desire to worship her because she was so pure.
"Turn to the Son," she said emphatically. "Your desire to worship
me, or anyone else at this time, is only an attempt to turn the
attention away from yourself, and justify yourself by serving what
you are not. I am pure now because I turned to Him. You need to
see the corruption that is in your own soul, but then you must not
dwell on yourself, or seek to justify yourself with dead works,
but turn to Him."
This was said in such genuine love and concern that it was
impossible to be hurt or offended by it. When she saw that I
understood, she continued:
"The purity that you saw in me was what my husband first saw in me
when we were young. I was relatively pure in my motives then, but
I corrupted his love and my own purity by letting him worship me
wrongly. You can never become pure just by worshiping one who is
more pure than you, but only by going beyond them to find for
yourself the One who has made them pure, and in Whom alone is no
sin. The more people praised us, and the more we accepted their
praises, the further we departed from the path of life. Then we
started living for the praises of men, and to gain power over
those who would not praise us. That was our demise, and was the
same for many who are here in the lowest place, but were called to
be in the highest."
Wanting to simply prolong our conversation, I asked the next thing
that came to my mind, "Is it difficult for you and your husband to
be here together?"
"Not at all. All of the relationships that you have on earth are
continued here, and they are all purified by the judgment. The
more that you are forgiven the more that you love. Of course, the
Lord forgave us more than anyone, and here we all love Him much
more than anyone else. After we forgave each other we loved each
other more. Now our relationship is continuing in much greater
depth and richness because we are joint heirs of this salvation.
As deep as the wounds went, that is how deep the love was able to
go once we were healed. We could have experienced this on earth,
but we did not learn forgiveness in time. If we had learned
forgiveness the competition that entered our relationship, and
sidetracked our life, would not have been able to take root in us.
If you truly love, you will easily forgive. The harder it is for
you to forgive, the further you are from true love. Forgiveness is
essential if you are to stay on the path of life. Without it many
things can knock you off the course chosen for you."
At the same time I realized that this woman, who had brought me
into this confrontation with such pain at my depravity, was also
the most attractive person I could ever remember meeting. It was
not romantic attraction, but I just did not want to leave her.
Perceiving my thoughts, she withdrew a step, indicating that she
was about to go, but offered me one last insight.
"The pure truth, spoken in pure love, will always attract. You
will remember the pain you feel here, and it will help you through
the rest of your life. Pain is good; it shows you where there is a
problem. Do not try to reduce the pain until you find and address
the problem. God's truth often brings pain as it highlights a
problem that we have, but His truth will always show us the way to
freedom, and true life. When you know this you will even begin to
rejoice in your trials, which are all allowed to help keep you on
the path of life."
"Also, your attraction to me in not out of order. It is the
attraction between male and female that was given in the
beginning, which is always pure in its true form. When pure truth
is combined with pure love, men can be the men they were created
to be without having to dominate out of insecurity. Women can be
the women they were created to be because their love has replaced
their fear. Love will never manipulate or try to control out of
insecurity, because love casts out all fear. The very place where
relationships can be the most corrupted is also where they can be
the most fulfilling. As your mind is renewed by the Spirit of
Truth, you will not see relationships as an opportunity to get
from others, but to give. Giving is the greatest fulfillment that
we can ever know. It is a taste of heaven where we give to the
Lord in pure worship, which has an ecstasy that even the most
wonderful relationships on earth are but a fleeting glimpse of.
What we experience in worship here your frail little unglorified
body could not endure. The true worship of God will purify the
soul for the glories of true relationships. Therefore, you must
not seek relationships, but pure worship. Only then can
relationships start to be what they are supposed to be. True love
never seeks the upper hand, but the lowest place of service. If my
husband and I had kept this in our marriage, we would be sitting
next to the King now, and this great hall would be filled with
many more souls."
With that she disappeared back into the ranks of the glorified
saints. I looked again towards the throne and the glory that
appeared so much more beautiful that I was taken aback. Another
man standing close to me explained:
"With each encounter, a veil is being removed so that you can see
Him more clearly. You are not changed just by seeing His glory,
but by seeing it with an unveiled face. Everyone who comes to the
true judgments of God walks a corridor such as this to meet those
who can help them remove whatever veils they are still wearing;
veils that will distort their vision of Him."
I had already absorbed more understanding than I felt like my many
years of study on earth had given me. I then began to feel that
all of my study and seeking on earth had only led me forward at a
snail's pace. How could many lifetimes prepare me for the
judgment? My life had already disqualified me more than all of
those whom I had met, and they barely made it here!
Then another man emerged from the ranks. He had been a
contemporary of mine, and I did not know that he had died. I had
never met him on earth, but he had a great ministry which I
respected very much. Through men that he had trained, thousands
had been led to salvation, and many great churches had been raised
up. He asked if he could just embrace me for a minute, and I
agreed, feeling a bit awkward. When we embraced I felt such love
coming from him that a great pain that was deep within me stopped
hurting. I had become so used to the pain that I did not even
notice it until it stopped. After he released me I told him that
his embrace had healed me of something. His joy at this was
profound. Then he began to tell me why he was in the lowest rank
in heaven.
"I became so arrogant near the end of my life that I could not
imagine that the Lord would do anything of significance unless He
did it through me. I began to touch the Lord's anointed, and do
His prophets harm. I was selfishly proud when the Lord used one of
my own disciples, and I became jealous when the Lord moved through
anyone who was outside of my own ministry. I would search for
anything that was wrong with them which I could attack. I did not
know that every time I did this I only demoted myself further."
"I never knew that you had done anything like that," I said,
surprised.
"I incited men under me to investigate others and do my dirty
work. I had them scour the earth to find any error or sin in the
life of others to expose them. I became the worst thing that a man
can become on the earth-a stumbling block who produced other
stumbling blocks. We sowed fear and division throughout the
church, all in the name of protecting the truth. In my self-
righteousness I was headed for perdition. In His great mercy the
Lord allowed me to be struck by a disease that would bring about a
slow and humiliating death. Just before I died I came to my senses
and repented. I am just thankful to be here at all. I may be one
of the least of His here, but it is much more than I deserve. I
just could not leave this room until I had a chance to apologize
to those of you that I so wronged."
"But you never wronged me," I said.
"Oh, but I did indeed," he replied. "Many of the attacks that came
against you were from those whom I had agitated and encouraged in
their assaults on others. Even though I may not have personally
carried the attacks out, the Lord holds me as responsible as those
who did."
"I see. Certainly I forgive you."
I was already beginning to remember how I had done this same
thing, even if on a smaller scale. I recalled how I had allowed
disgruntled former members of a church to spread their poison
about that church without stopping them. I knew that by just
allowing them to do this without correcting them I had encouraged
them to continue. I remember thinking that this was justified
because of the errors of that church. I then began to remember how
I had even repeated many of their stories, justifying it by saying
it was only to enlist prayers for them. Soon a great flood of
other such incidents began to arise in my heart. Again, I was
starting to be overwhelmed by the evil and darkness of my own
soul.
"I, too, have been a stumbling block!" I wailed, dropping again to
my knees. I knew that I deserved death, that I deserved the worst
kind of hell. I had never seen such ruthlessness and cruelty as I
was now seeing in my own heart.
"And we always comforted ourselves by actually thinking that we
were doing God a favor when we attacked His own children," came
the understanding voice of this man. "It is good for you to see
this here, because you can go back. Please warn my disciples of
their impending doom if they do not repent. Many of them are
called to be kings here, but if they do not repent they will face
the worst judgment of all-that of the stumbling blocks. My
humbling disease was grace from God. When I stood before the
throne I asked the Lord to send such grace to my disciples. I
cannot cross back over to them, but He has allowed me this time
with you. Please forgive and release those who have attacked you.
They really do not understand that they are doing the work of the
Accuser. Thank you for forgiving me, but please also forgive them.
It is in your power to retain sins or cover them with love. I
entreat you to love those who are now your enemies."
I could hardly hear this man I was so overwhelmed with my own sin.
This man was so glorious, pure and obviously now had powers that
were not known on the earth. Yet, he was entreating me with a
greater humility than I had witnessed before. I felt such love
coming from him that I could not imagine refusing him, but even
without the impact of his love, I felt far more guilty than anyone
could possibly be who was attacking me.
"Certainly I must deserve anything they have done to me, and much
more," I replied.
"That is true, but it is not the point here," he entreated.
"Everyone on earth is deserving of the second death, but our
Savior brought us grace and truth. If we are to do His work we
must do everything in both grace and truth. Truth without grace is
what the enemy brings when he comes as an 'angel of light.'"
"If I can be delivered from this maybe I will be able to help
them," I replied. "But can't you recognized that I am far worse
than they could possibly be?"
"I know that what just passed through your mind was bad," he
answered, but with a love and grace that was profound. I knew that
he had now become as concerned for me and my condition as he had
been for his own disciples.
"This really is heaven," I blurted out. "This really is light and
truth. How could we who live in such darkness become so proud,
thinking that we know so much about God? Lord!" I yelled in the
direction of the throne, "Please let me go and carry this light
back to earth!"
Immediately the entire host of heaven seemed to stand at
attention, and I knew that I was the center of their attention. I
felt so insignificant before just one of these glorious ones, but
when I knew they were all looking at me, fear came like a tidal
wave. I felt that there could be no doom like I was about to
experience. I felt like the greatest enemy of the glory and truth
that so filled that place. I was too corrupted, I could never
properly represent such glory and truth. There was no way that I
could in my corruption convey the reality of the glorious place
and Presence. I was sure that even Satan had not fallen as far as
I had from grace. This is hell I thought. There can be no worse
pain than to be as evil as I am and to know that this kind of
glory exists. To be banned from here is a torture worse than I
ever dreamed. No wonder the demons are so angry and demented, I
thought.
Just when I felt that I was about to be sent to the deepest
regions of hell, I simply cried "JESUS!" Quickly a peace came over
me. I knew I had to move on toward the glory again, and somehow I
had the confidence to do it. I kept moving until I saw a man who I
considered one of the greatest writers of all time. I had
considered his depth of insight into the truth to be possibly the
greatest that I had encountered in all of my studies.
"Sir, I have always looked forward to this meeting," I almost
blurted out.
"As have I," he replied with genuine sincerity.
"I feel that I know you, and in your writings I almost felt like
you somehow knew me. I think that I owe more to you than to anyone
else who was not canonized in Scripture," I continued.
"You are very gracious," he replied. "But I am sorry that I did
not serve you better. I was a shallow person, and my writings were
shallow, and filled with more worldly wisdom than divine truth."
"Since I have been here, and learned all that I have learned, I
know that this must be true, but I still think they are some of
the best that we have on earth," I answered.
"You are right," this famous writer admitted, with sincerity. "It
is so sad. Everyone here, even those who sit closest to the King,
would live their lives differently if they had them to live over,
but I think that I would live mine even more differently than
most. I was honored by kings, but failed the King of kings. I used
the great gifts and insights that were given me to draw men more
to myself and my wisdom than to Him. Besides, I only knew Him by
the hearing of the ear, which is the way I compelled other men to
know Him. I made them dependent on me, and others like me. I
turned them more to deductive reasoning than to the Holy Spirit,
Who I hardly knew. I did not point men to Jesus, but to myself and
others like me who pretended to know Him. When I beheld Him here,
I wanted to ground my writings into powder, just as Moses did to
the golden calf. My mind was my idol, and I wanted everyone to
worship my mind with me. Your esteem for me does not cause me to
rejoice. If I had spent as much time seeking to know Him as I did
seeking to know about Him in order to impress others with my
knowledge, many of those who are in this lowest of companies would
be sitting in the throne that was prepared for them, and many
others would be in this room."
"I know by being here that your appraisal of your work is true,
but are you not being a little to hard on yourself?" I questioned.
"Your works fed me spiritually for many years, as I know they have
multitudes of others."
"I am not being too hard on myself. All that I have said is true
as it was confirmed when I stood before the throne. I produced a
lot, but I was given more talents than almost anyone here, and I
buried them beneath my own spiritual pride and ambitions. Just as
Adam could have carried the whole human race into a most glorious
future, but by his failure led billions of souls into the worst of
tragedies, with authority comes responsibility. The more authority
you are given, the more potential for both good and evil you will
have. Those who will rule with Him for the ages will know
responsibility of the most profound kind. No man stands alone, and
every human failure, or victory, resonates far beyond our
comprehension, even to generations to come. The many thousands who
I could have led properly would have resulted in many more
millions here. Anyone who understands the true nature of authority
would never seek it, but only accept it when they know they are
yoked with the Lord, the only One who can carry authority without
stumbling. Never seek influence for yourself, but only seek the
Lord and be willing to take His yoke. My influence did not feed
your heart, but rather your pride in knowledge."
"How can I know that I am not doing the same?" I asked as I began
to think of my own writings.
"Study to show yourself approved unto God, not men," he replied as
he walked back into the ranks. Before he disappeared he turned and
with the slightest smile, offered one last bit of advice: "And do
not follow me."
In this first multitude I saw many other men and women of God from
both my own time and history. I stopped and talked to many more. I
was continually shocked that so many who expected to be in the
highest positions were in the lowest rank of the kingdom. Many
shared the same basic story-they all had fallen to the deadly sin
of pride after their great victories, or fallen to jealousy when
other men were anointed as much as they were. Others had fallen to
lust, discouragement, or bitterness near the end of their lives
and had to be taken before they crossed the line into perdition.
They all gave me the same warning: the higher the spiritual
authority that you walk in, the further you can fall if you depart
from love and humility.
As I continued toward the judgment seat I began to pass those who
were of higher rank in the kingdom. After many more veils had been
stripped away from me by meetings with those who had stumbled over
the same problems that I had, I began to meet those who had
overcome. I met couples who had served the Lord and each other
faithfully to the end. Their glory here was unspeakable, and their
victory encouraged me that it was possible to stay on the path of
life, and serve Him in faithfulness. Those who stumbled, stumbled
in many different ways. Those who prevailed all did it the same
way-they did not deviate from their devotion to the first and
greatest commandment-loving the Lord. By this their service was
done unto Him, not men, not even for spiritual men. These were the
ones who worshipped the Lamb, and followed Him wherever He went.
When I was still not even half way to the throne, what had been
the indescribable glory of the first rank now seemed to be the
outer darkness in comparison to the glory of those I was now
passing. The greatest beauty on earth would not qualify to be
found anywhere in heaven. And I was told that this room was just
the threshold of realms indescribable!
My march to the throne may have taken days, months or even years.
There was no way to measure time in that place. To my considerable
discomfort, they all showed great respect to me, not because of
who I was or anything that I had done, but simply because I was a
warrior in the battle of the last days. Somehow, through this last
battle, the glory of God would be revealed in such a way that it
would be a witness to every power and authority, created or yet to
be created, for all of eternity. During this battle the glory of
the cross would be revealed, and the wisdom of God would be known
in a special way. To be in that battle was to be given one of the
greatest honors given to those of the race of men.
As I approached the Judgment Seat of Christ, those in the highest
ranks were also sitting on thrones that were all a part of His
throne. Even the least of these thrones was more glorious than any
earthly throne many times over. Some of these were rulers over
cities on earth who would soon take their place. Others were
rulers over the affairs of heaven, and others over the affairs of
the physical creation, such as star systems and galaxies. However,
it was apparent that those who were given authority over cities
were esteemed above those who had even been given authority over
galaxies. The value of a single child was more than a galaxy of
stars, because the Holy Spirit dwelt in men, and the Lord had
chosen men as His eternal dwelling place. In the presence of His
glory the whole earth seemed as insignificant as a speck of dust,
and yet was so infinitely esteemed that the attention of the whole
host of heaven was upon it.
Now that I stood before the throne, I felt very much less than a
speck of dust. Even so, I felt the Holy Spirit upon me in a
greater way than I ever had. It is was by His power alone that I
was able to stand. It was here that I truly came to understand His
ministry as our Comforter. He had led me through the entire
journey even though I had hardly noticed Him.
The Lord was both more gentle and more terrible than I had ever
imagined. In Him I saw Wisdom who had accompanied me up the
mountain, and felt the familiarity of many of my friends on earth.
I recognized Him as the One I had heard speaking to me many times
through others. I also recognized Him as the One that I had often
rejected when He had come to me in others. I saw both a Lion and a
Lamb, the Shepherd and the Bridegroom, but most of all I saw Him
here as the Judge.
Even in His awesome presence, the Comforter was so mightily with
me I was comfortable. It was also apparent that the Lord in no way
wanted me to be uncomfortable; He only wanted me to know the
truth. Human words are not adequate to describe either how
awesome, or how relieving it was to stand before the Lord. I had
passed the point where I was concerned if the judgment was going
to be good or bad; I just knew it would be right, and that I could
trust my Judge.
At one point the Lord looked toward the galleries of thrones
around Him. Many were occupied by saints, and many were empty. He
then said, "These thrones are for the overcomers who have served
Me faithfully in every generation. My Father and I prepared them
before the foundation of the world. Are you worthy to sit in one
of these?"
I remembered what a friend had once said, "When an omniscient God
asks you a question, it is not because He is seeking information."
I looked at the thrones. I looked at those who were now seated. I
could recognize some of the great heroes of the faith, but most of
those seated I knew had not even been well known on earth. Many I
knew had been missionaries who had expended their lives in
obscurity. They had never cared to be remembered on earth, but only
to Him. I was a bit surprised to see some who had been wealthy, or
rulers who had been faithful with what they had been given.
However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and mothers
occupied more thrones than any other single group.
There was no way that I could answer "yes" to the Lord's question
if I considered myself worthy to sit here. I was not worthy to sit
in the company of any who were there. I knew I had been given the
opportunity to run for the greatest prize in heaven or earth, and
I had failed. I was desperate, but there was still one hope. Even
though most of my life had been a failure, I knew that I was here
before I had finished my life on earth. When I confessed that I
was not worthy, He asked:
"But do you want this seat?"
"I do with all of my heart," I responded.
The Lord then looked at the galleries and said, "Those empty seats
could have been filled in any generation. I gave the invitation to
sit here to everyone who has called upon My name. They are still
available. Now the last battle has come, and many who are last
shall be first. These seats will be filled before the battle is
over. Those who will sit here you will know by two things: they
will wear the mantle of humility, and they will have My likeness.
You now have the mantle. If you can keep it and do not lose it in
the battle, when you return you will also have My likeness. Then
you will be worthy to sit with these, because I will have made you
worthy. All authority and power has been given to Me, and I alone
can wield it. You will prevail, and you will be trusted with My
authority only when you have come to fully abide in Me. Now turn
and look at My household."
I turned and looked back in the direction I had come from. From
before His throne I could see the entire room. The spectacle was
beyond any earthly comparison for its glory. Millions filled the
ranks. Each individual in the lowest rank was more awesome than an
army, and I knew had more power. It was far beyond my capacity to
absorb such a panorama of glory. Even so, I could see the only a
very small portion of the great room was occupied.
I then looked back at the Lord and was astonished to see tears in
His eyes. He had wiped the tears away from every eye here, but His
own. As a tear ran down His cheek he caught it in His hand. He
then offered it to me.
"This is My cup. Will you drink it with Me?"
There was no way that I could refuse Him. As the Lord continued to
look at Me I began to feel His great love. Even as foul as I was
He still loved me. As undeserving as I was He wanted me to be
close to Him. Then He said:
"I love all of these with a love that you cannot now understand. I
also love all who are supposed to be here but did not come. I have
left the ninety nine to go after the one who was lost. My
shepherds would not leave the one to go after the ninety nine who
are still lost. I came to save the lost. Will you share My heart
to go to save the lost? Will you help to fill this room? Will you
help to fill these thrones, and every other seat in this hall?
Will you take up this quest to bring joy to heaven, to Me and to
My Father? This judgment is for My own household, and My own house
is not full. The last battle will not be over until My house is
full. Only then will it be time for us to redeem the earth, and
remove the evil from My creation. If you drink My cup you will
love the lost the way that I loved them."
He then took a cup so plain that I was surprised that it even
existed in a room of such glory, and He placed His tear in it. He
then gave it to me. I have never tasted anything so bitter. I knew
that I could in no way drink it all, or even much of it, but I was
determined to drink as much as I could. The Lord patiently waited
until I finally erupted into such crying that I felt like
veritable rivers of tears were flowing from me. I was crying for
the lost, but even more I was crying for the Lord.
I looked to Him in desperation as I could not take any more of
this great pain. Then His peace began to fill me and mix with His
love that I was feeling. Never had I felt anything so wonderful.
This was the living water that I knew could spring up for
eternity. Then I felt as if the waters flowing within me caught on
fire. I began to feel that this fire would consume me if I could
not begin declaring the majesty of His glory. I had never felt
such an urge to preach, to worship Him, and to breathe every
breath that I was given for the sake of His gospel.
"Lord!" I shouted out, forgetting everyone but Him. "I now know
that this throne of judgment is also the throne of grace, and I
ask You now for the grace to serve You. Above all things I ask You
for grace! I ask You for the grace to finish my course. I ask You
for the grace to love You like this so that I can be delivered
from the delusions and self-centeredness that so pervert my life.
I call upon You for salvation from myself and the evil of my own
heart, and for this love that I now feel to flow continually in my
heart. I ask You to give me Your heart, Your love. I ask You for
the grace of the Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin. I ask You
for the grace of the Holy Spirit to testify of You, as You really
are. I ask for the grace to testify of all that You have prepared
for those who come to You. I ask for the grace to be upon me to
preach the reality of this judgment. I ask for the grace to share
with those who are called to occupy these empty thrones, to give
them words of life that will keep them on the path of life, that
will impart to them the faith to do what they have been called to
do. Lord, I beg You for this grace."
The Lord then stood up. Then all of those who were seated upon the
thrones for as far as I could see also stood up. His eyes burned
with a fire I had not seen before.
"You have called upon Me for grace. This request I never deny. You
shall return, and the Holy Spirit shall be with you. Here you have
tasted of both My kindness and My severity. You must remember both
if you are to stay on the path of life. The true love of God
includes the judgment of God. You must know both my kindness and
severity or you will fall to deception. This is the grace that you
have been given here, to know both. The conversations you had with
your brethren here were My grace. Remember them."
He then pointed His sword toward my heart, then my mouth, then
my hands.
When He did this fire came from His sword and burned me with a
great pain. "This too is grace," He said. "You are but one of many
who have been prepared for this hour. Preach and write about all
that you have seen here. What I have said to you say to My
brethren. Go and call My captains to the last battle. Go and
defend the poor and the oppressed, the widows and the orphans.
This is the commission of My captains, and it is where you will
find them. My children are worth more to Me than the stars in the
heavens. Feed My lambs. Watch over My little ones. Give the word
of God to them that they may live. Go to the battle. Go and do not
retreat. Go quickly for I will come quickly. Obey Me and hasten
the day of My coming."
A company of angels then came and escorted me away from the
throne. The leader walked beside me and began to speak.
"Now that He has stood He will not sit again until the last battle
is over. He has been seated until the time when His enemies are to
be put under His feet. The time has now come. The legions of
angels that have been standing ready since the night of passion
have now been released upon the earth. The hordes of hell have
also been released. This is the time that all of creation has been
waiting for. The great mystery of God will soon be finished. We
will now fight until the end. We will fight with you and your
brethren."
I awoke.
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